 Malik
(6/4/04)
A good deal of
this stuff is a little on the old side, but that is easy to
explain...just read the last segment and all should become clear;
for those who like a spoiler, it has to do with why I was offline
for about two weeks...thankfully ipowerweb.com fixed all of that,
but not until Brinkster had done it's damage. Anyways,
my two favorite things to bitch about are present this week, so I'm
in a good bitchy mood. I always like a chance to bitch about
game platforms that shouldn't be; like the pwN-Gage and
Phantom. When you throw that in with the best explanation
possible for why I'm not nearly as hardcore for PC games as for
console titles, and a chance for me to blow off some steam, it
becomes a good column of Malik's Bitchings. To
Thy Own Self Be True Developers
often get "carried
away with the power of the technology that they've been given,"
Shawn Carnes, a designer at Blizzard, said, acknowledging that
developers must be mindful of older systems to appeal to the largest
audience possible. I
often tend to neglect PC games for a rather important reason...I'm
hella po'. Whenever I've had to upgrade my machine (and I mean had
to...not want to so I can play some new cutting edge game...I mean
the old machine starts smoking...), I've usually had to upgrade
several parts at once and quite unexpectedly. What this means, is
that I don't have the forthought to save up some money for a major
upgrade and that the little money I have tucked away for just such
an emergency is not enough to handle a purchase of two or more major
upgrades at once...usually it's enough to get my machine about 3
months more technologically superior to it's old incarnation. Anyways,
a trend that has existed since the days of the 486 (and even before
that) is for developers to put too much emphasis on the
technological end of games, and not nearly enough on the overall
playability. Hell, I've seen more pretty games that crash worse than
Windows in recent years than I've seen fun games that don't look
quite as spiffy but also don't crash once an hour (or more). With
each season of new games for the PC, two things are almost
guaranteed; First
off, the graphics and sounds will surpass anything seen before.
We've seen this ever since Doom came out. Each round of games of any
genre to follow will push the graphical envelope several steps
beyond the predecessor game. However, at the same time, the actual
game play mechanics and overall enjoyment of the game will, at best,
only move forward a whole step every four or five rounds of new
generation titles. I mean, we first had first person shooters long
before Doom, but they all used the same technical aspects until
Quake hit the scene. Then, after Quake, we still have not seen a
truly large step in the overall mechanics of game play. Meanwhile,
if you look at the earliest graphics on a FPS and compare it to each
following title...well, they jump up the same amount as the game
play did for all FPS history, but with each successive title. The
second guarantee is that the games will cost far more than the $50
price tag. After the video card, CPU, and motherboard are all
upgraded to handle each new game, the price comes to about
$500-$1000 each year. Not to mention that the memory will have to be
upgraded every year and a half to two years. Why is this? Well, as
it was put in MSNBC.com by Shawn Carnes of Blizzard; Developers
often get "carried away with the power of the technology that
they've been given," Carnes said, acknowledging that developers
must be mindful of older systems to appeal to the largest audience
possible. So,
I guess the best way to look at it is that the developers almost get
a power trip of sorts in being able to push the envelope. Sadly, the
mass audience is ignored at the same time and unless you have the
cash to shell out, you will be stuck playing your old games on your
out of date PC. In
a nut shell, this is why I have so little love for the PC. While
many PC games easily top the console experience (Halo was the first
good FPS on the console, which is sad when you think of how many the
PC had before Halo was ever a glimmer in Bungie's eye) in certain
genres, the price is just not worth it. If I want to get my current
gaming PC up to speed for Half-Life 2, I will need to spend about
$500 (give or take), plus $50 more on the game, if it ever comes
out. This $550 for one game (true, I can add extra games for about
$50 a pop that will utilize all the upgrades, for about a year)
can just as easily be
used on one of my existing consoles to buy a good 11 games. However,
some people would argue that if I spend so much on the PC, I should
assume I don't have to console...however, then I have even more
money to blow on console games...let me explain; If I need an
entirely new PC for Half-Life 2, then I'll need about $1000 (+ $50
for the game) for the PC. In which case, I can get a
console...actually, they are cheap right now, so I'll get all three
in this scenario, at about $400 and then still have money for 12 new
games.
The other side of
this issue, is that while the games are being made visually more
appealing (even if the other aspects are overlooked, like innovation
in game play), then we have the problem of higher requirements for
the PC almost always (I'd say 99.9% of the time) leads to greater
bugs and glitches...especially in terms of the crashes that cannot
be solved with waiting for a new patch to come out. While this
happens with consoles too (KOTOR being the worst offender I've seen
yet), at least the console hardware is standardized, so the glitches
are a little less severe and you don't have to shell out $500 to put
up with the buggy software.
Solution
So, to go back to
what Carnes told MSNBC.com, the developers need to remember the
audience, not just the cool thrill one can get from pushing the
technology to the limit. While this makes some really cool software,
it also alienates your target players who don't have a desire for
credit card debt or a parent's hefty wallet to mooch off of (the
target players are usually not old enough to afford all of this shit
on a whim without some "mature" assistance). I think,
therefore, the biggest solution is to remember who you are working
for. You may, as a developer, get your paycheck from the company
your work for. However, ultimately, it is the gamers who pay for the
games that keep the companies in business to give you a
paycheck.
Another thought I
like to keep in mind...when new PC software (games) are developed,
the technological envelope is pushed forward by creating something
that requires a more expensive system. However, with a console,
something can be technologically superior to a previous title, but
be on the same console with the same standardized hardware. So, my
thought is this; imagine if hardware upgrades were required (as in
new titles didn't require them) as quickly...still more often than
the generation time for a new console, but slower (far slower) than
it is done now. If that happened, imagine how well the new
technology could be used.
It's almost like,
to put it to metaphor, if you enjoy collecting game consoles (like I
do), are on a limited budget, and you gave up on collecting
something as soon as it become "obsolete" by market
standards. If I did that, I would have about 6 consoles. However,
since I don't give up on something just because it's old, I have
some really cool (often overlooked) consoles and games that I know
not many of today's gamers have enjoyed.
If
you push technology to the limit before discarding it for somehting
new, a lot of nifty new features can be found and utilized in the
future hardware while still finding the features initially offered
by the new technology...put those two groups together, and you can
have something that could easily kick ass. It's like how the
envelope is often pushed on the PS2 (the oldest of the current crop
of consoles) despite how the XBox is technologically superior. If
the PS2 was abandoned as easily as PC hardware is when something
more technological came out, then we would be missing out on some
really kick ass games about now. Just think about it.
Here
We Go Again... Leave
it to Nokia
and Infinium
Labs to not give up on a bad thing...or should I say, a bad
concept? For example, Infinium Labs, which has been promising to
change the way gamers look at the world for the last few years have
delivered nothing but empty promises in the aptly named
"Phantom". It seems no name could be better for an intangible
object than "Phantom". Well, now they've drawn on Andrew
Schneider, formerly from Sony Pictures Digital to be a Senior VP of
Marketing. I could think of some far better career paths than to
join a company that has delivered about as much as Duke Nukem
For-never...ummm, that should be Forever...in theory. So
far, beyond the incredibly pathetic promises posted on the Infinium
Labs web site over the last few years, Infinium has given us less
than Bungie and Valve did last year (at least they gave us false
hopes). Originally, the Phantom was touted as a facsimile of a PC,
but without a disk drive, upgradeable parts, a real OS, etc. Then,
the Phantom seemed to disappear from Infinium Labs' web site for a
while as the site underwent some rather predictable changes. The
site merely changed in the way that buzz words were thrown about and
the promises were reworded. True Infinium has touted a release
date later this year, but those of you who are excited, I wouldn't
hold your breath...actually I would say you should hold your breath
since it's for the better. Fast
forward to the latest re-invention of the Phantom. We are now being
promised a "Phantom Gaming Service" with almost no
details. For one thing, the details of whether this
"service" and what it will, in the end, bring gamers is
rather illusive at best, and just vague and confusing at
worst. Also, if I want a PC game to play on a
"service" I can click on the online button of the game's
main menu and start playing; I don't need Infinium to do this for
me; and if you do need Infinium to do this for you...sigh...you need
a lot more than a phantom Phantom. So,
my one burning question is this; why doesn't Infinium Labs give up
while the going is...well, not good...while the going is not a 100%
humiliating experience for all involved? Why not try to do one of
two brilliant ideas; Firstly, they could scrap the Phantom name.
This name has become a joke to geeks for the last few years and that
will not change with a simple re-invention. A new name for the
service could help. I remember being a child and when I came up with
a cool name for something I drew or made or whatever, I would stick
with it until it was a sad and overused concept. Is the marketing
team at Infinium ran by children or are they just missing the point
of proper marketing? Secondly,
why not do the modern thing and change the company image? Might I
suggest a new company name? Typically I am one to laugh at the
pointless name changes that many companies have undergone in the
last couple of decades (the best example being how many of the phone
companies who didn't undergo a merger still managed to go through
with the name changes associated with mergers), but here it might be
something that will divert the typical laughing and jeering of the
geeks who know what a joke Infinium Labs has been since their first
announcement of the Phantom project. Meanwhile,
Nokia is coming at us, once again, with some more empty promises in
the form of the N-Gage QD. The new pwN-Gage recently appeared in
every market short of North America with incredibly low
prices...incredibly low, yet highly understandable prices.
Considering how absent the N-Gage is currently from most game and
cell phone stores (the two places that would in theory sell them) in
North America, I think the best thought is to either give up or to
start from scratch. An update of a current "system"/phone
that has sold even lower than the lowest of possible expectations
(even I thought enough yuppies would want a trendy enough phone to
go for the N-Gage just as a yuppie status symbol) should not be
remade as much as scrapped to make room for a fresh product. I mean,
what would have happened if the Pinto or Gremlin (talkin' cars
here...but only for a minute...) were continued beyond those short
hellish times that they were manufactured? Would the future
versions, no matter how much they were upgraded and improved, have
sold with the previous name that did little more than bring up a
sadistic laugh in those who never had one or an insane laugh in
those who did own one? I think not. So, why is the gremliN-Gage
being continued beyond what was definitely it's 15 minutes
(nay...seconds) of fame? Only because Nokia obviously has a little
too much persistence and a little too little foresight. Also,
with a re-launch of the N-Gage in the form of the QD, we still are
faced with the same inevitable outcome...no good games and (I'm
guessing on this, but I think it's an all too educated of a guess)
the same crappy controls. As for the controls...well, not much can
be done at this point besides scrapping the entire project. However,
for the games, Nokia needs to do something and quick. Before I ever
saw a hideous image of what the N-Gage looked like (the usual source
of humor on the "system") I was laughing my ass off at the
horrible and tiny selection of games. I mean Pandemonium? A game
that few people ever noticed on the PSX and was only moderately fun
(at best) was remade for a cell phone...sigh...and then we have the
selection of FPS titles (both in development and released). I think
we should have all learned our lesson by now; FPS on a portable is a
bad idea no matter how you look at it...they are clunky, slow, and
not nearly responsive enough to play. Of course, who could forget
Tomb Raider. Just like with FPS titles (and for the same reasons),
3D adventure/action titles have a good home on real consoles...also,
didn't Lara Croft die in Viet Nam or something? I mean who actually
gives a crap about Ms. Croft anymore? Solution I
think the solution is obvious and was stated above, but here it is
in a nut-shell. Nokia and Infinium Labs seriously need to scrap
their ideas, stick with what their good at (Nokia should make
phones, and Infinium should...what the hell do they do?), and stop
trying to give us geeks so much unintentional comedy...while it was
funny to begin with, I now only feel pity and a small level of
disgust. When
Old Friends Go Bad: The True Story I
usually like to keep the general tone of Malik's Bitchings at
sarcasm, cynicism, and dark humor, but every once-in-awhile I am
faced with something so damned stupid that I lose all humor in the
situation (don't worry, there's a little humor, but this is personal
also)...Also, since I always like to cover my ass, I'll just say
this, all quotes that I claim came from Brinkster are real (I have
the emails), so if Brinkster decides to say I'm slandering them or
something, I just say this; BRING IT ON BIZNATCH! While
this doesn't hit video games dead on, and I do like to keep things
pointed in the right direction, so to speak, this is something very
near and dear to my heart. As you are probably all aware, I only
recently started this domain after moving out from Brinkster's free
web hosting package. Something about having my web address along the
lines of "www28.brinkster.com/geekasylum/default.html"
just sucks...maybe it's the fact that it took me almost 2 weeks to
remember the 28 after the www, or the fact that I can't just say to
someone where Geek-Asylum.com is without first saying, "get a
pencil ready". So, I decided that since Brinkster had
treated me so well with my free space (they got that up and running
in only an hour), that they should be my host for a real domain.
Well, for those who don't know, that was a nightmare. It
started with me signing up and giving them a shitload of money in
the process. Well, I got an email (automated, of course) saying that
my site would be up and running soon and "You will receive an
email detailing your account in the next 24 hours" (exact
quote). I waited...I waited some more...I got to 48 hours and got a
little concerned (my money had been transferred, so I was almost $60
closer to eating ramen with nothing to show for it) so I emailed
Brinkster support. Well, I then waited, waited, etc, you get the
picture. Then I emailed again. This time I got a response..."I
have forwarded your issue to my supervisor. If we can help you with
anything else, please let us know." (exact quote) and then
heard nothing else for a couple of days...Yes Brinkster, you can
help me find my missing money. Is "I have forwarded your
issue to my supervisor" the email business equivalent to
"get bent"...it felt like it to me. So,
I finally get a response after I write another email to support.
This time I'm told that via an automated email, "We have
completed the setup of your Brinkster account"...strange, my
account doesn't work and the setup is "completed". Did I
just get pwned? But then, the same day, I hear "I have
corrected these issues and your new web site is working
properly." My response, something along the lines of, "my
ass feels like it's been torn open...I wonder why". So, I
naturally stop being concerned about my site and start some shopping
around (after I wrote them a bitchy, yet non-insulting
email...aren't I nice to not insult after they have insulted my
intelligence and my bank account? Yes I am!). Well,
I end up finding ipowerweb.com (who I am working with right now to
bring you this issue of Malik's Bitchings), get plenty of personal
contact as they confirm everything. Then my site is up and running
with the domain I wanted from Brinkster (I don't think ipowerweb.com
could register it if Brinkster did...maybe Brinkster lied when they
said "It appears that your domain was not registered when you
opened your account. This is being corrected by the server
administrator" 5 days before my domain was registered by a
certain good company). By the way, at the time of me going with a
better hosting solution, I wrote Brinkster to tell them I want out
and I want my money back. It
only took them until today to respond (I wrote them on Sunday) with
a "I apologize for the length of time this took, Brinkster has
received an un-normal amount of email in the past few days and we
are running behind". Do I give a shit? No. If your company
cannot handle the job it is there to do, don't accept my money or my
business until you can act a little less like some half-assed
bastards who obviously are not prepared to do what they are paid to
do. In
the same email, I was informed that "We have corrected the
problems with the domain registration yesterday, and will be able to
register your domain name for you at this time, if you wish."
Do I wish for them to do what someone else has properly done for me?
Let me think...should they register my domain I asked for 16 days
ago? F$#@ NO! I don't wish for that as much as I wish for my almost
$60 back (I could be playing a new game right now with that type of
cash). They also wondered "Please let us know if you would like
us to complete the registration of your domain name, or continue
with the cancellation of this account." I asked them to cancel
my account, but maybe saying "I want my money back and I want
my account terminated" was just a little too vague for them.
Why do I have to use such soft language as "want" instead
of "f^$%ing remove my account now you pathetic little
whores!"? I guess I need to rethink my word choices to talk to
Brinkster since they make up new meanings to words ("want"
now means "I'm interested in
; Send me some more info, pretty please. Signed: Your little butt
monkey, Malik"). Well,
this reached a boiling point for me when I got an email from a VP
after the first email I got today. He had the audacity to tell me
"Your domain has been added to your Brinkster account...Please
let me know if you have further questions. I do apologize for the
confusion during the sign-up process." After I have asked to
cancel my account they dare to use their (obviously) limited
abilities to try to repair my site instead of getting me my damned
money back! I see where their priorities lie; in making money with
as little effort as possible. Solution I
don't endorse or condemn any products too openly, but I will just
say that I will never deal with Brinkster again (after I get my
money back; until then I'm going to write them a few more times
before I file a fraud complaint with my credit card/bank to get my
money back). I will also say that I don't wish this type of bullshit
on my worst enemy. Lastly, I will just say that I plan to let the
Better Business Bureau know about this type of shit just so other
don't go through this type of crap. They say misery loves company,
but no one should be cruel enough to wish for company in this breed
of misery...I wish I had about $60 right now...wonder where it could
be...? Conclusion I
am still pissed (bitchy and pissed differ by finding humor in the
situation or just feeling like you've been pwN-Gaged) about
Brinkster and hope this will all be behind me before my next issue
of Malik's Bitchings. However, I also was hoping that Fable,
Half-Life 2, and Halo 2 (and some people could throw the pathetic
looking Doom 3 on this list) would all have been out last year as
the developers all promised. At least, in the meantime,
Infinium, Nokia, and a long list of other companies are giving me
plenty to laugh at and keep me in a good bitchy mood. If you
have something to say in defense of Brinkster or are excited about
the Phantom, tell me...I
could use something to keep me laughing between Nokia press
releases. Malik
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