Malik  (4/19/04)

Well...where to start?  For those familiar with lazy.GEEKS, you may recognize me as The Collector, aka the bitchy/pissed off one (and if you're not familiar, check out the link...I mean what will it hurt?).  As the name implied, we were a little lazy...well, very lazy...and that led to lazy.GEEKS slowly slipping into obscurity.  Of course it's not like we had all that much of a following to begin with...but that's not too important...I just felt like giving you all some background.

I'm not 100% sure of the direction for Geek Asylum as of right now.  You might say this is going to be one of those more spontaneously designed pages that will shift and change with my ADD mindset.  As of now, it is just me, but I'm not too sure of how long that will last.  Most importantly, you can be assured that this page will focus greatly on the pursuit of all things geek.  Be that video games, movies, music, TV...well, mainly video games.  It's what I live and breathe.

As for those of you who have some doubts due to my past laziness with lazy.GEEKS, I have some encouraging words.  First, I actually have an excuse beyond laziness for my lack of posting on that many people know what happens when our often neglected friend, The Power Supply, goes bad on a PC?  I for one didn't know.  The symptoms tend to blend in with what could happen with a bad hard drive, a bad memory chip, a burnt out CPU, or a fried other words, if you don't know what you're doing, and you are not willing to pay $80 for some stuck up arse in a computer store to laugh at you and do everything short of ripping your nuts off in order to make you pay to feel like an emasculated loser...which I didn't need on top of a bum will slowly replace every component on your PC and end up with no money, a pile of perfectly good PC components, and a still not functional PC.  On a whim...ok, as a last resort before I threw my PC out of my apartment, 12 stories down, onto the concrete below...I pulled out my power supply and put in one from one of my old no longer functional PCs...I don't know weather I was happy (from ending three months of PC-less hell) or extremely pissed off (for spending 3 months and $500 on buying a bunch of parts I didn't need just to find a simple fix only $20 away), but three months after starting this PC torture, I was finally up and running.  So, where is this story going, you ask?  Simply; for one thing, I didn't lose interest in my web pursuits, I just had no way to post without a PC.  Secondly, the other moral of this story...if your PC is crappy out on you and you feel like you've tried everything, check the power supply.  It's only about $20 (unless you feel like wasting money at a national PC store), and odds are you're running on a lower watt power supply than you need anyway.  For those who are having problems with their PC in which it keeps crashing/rebooting after a short period of time (for me it was about 35 seconds after power was turned on)...well, you read the story.

Well, as for the future of Geek Asylum; I plan to have more things up and running soon, but for now, be patient, and your patience will be rewarded (in other words, I have a full time job and a lot of games to one thing at a time is all I can do).  Expect some of my favorite information from lazy.GEEKS to migrate over here (including some game reviews for the PS2, XBox,'s an oldie, but one hell of a good system..., and whatever else I can find), along with some new information as update the look and feel of this site.

If you have some comments, suggestions, questions, or you just want to bitch at should know the drill.


Malik  (4/20/04)

Starting a new web page from a blending of new material (don't worry, it's on it's way...) and old material is a lot like moving into a new home.  A lot of packing, sorting of old stuff, throwing out the bad, keeping the good, and furnishing your place with some nifty new other words, a lot of work.  So, you must bear with me as I get things up and running.  I aim to have some new stuff up in the next week, but for the time being, I'll be packaging some of my favorites from my old site into a new format and posting them for you all to browse.  Anyways, check the site, and you'll be pleasantly surprised each day with a little more material.

For anyone out there who's concerned about the high scores of the games in the review section...well, I'm starting with porting over my favorite reviews.  Most of which happen to be reviews of my favorite games.  Speaking of which; for those who wonder why the scores are as they are, I rate games only on the enjoyment of the game as a whole.  Some reviewers out there like to give some sort of average score that is based in equal parts on important elements, such as game play and plot, and the unimportant, such as (in most cases) visuals and audio, and some mix of personal feeling, fun factor, blah, blah.  I think this act is flat out bull shit.  A game's score should only be based on one thing; how fun is the game when all is said and done.  So, if you want to know what a game with horrible (even for it's time) graphics and audio, like Destiny of an Emperor, has a great score of 8.75, it's because the game is fun.  There should not be anything more important to a score than the fun of playing a game.  'nuff said.

Anyways, keep tuned, and more and more stuff will show up as I sort through the old, write down the new, and rant about the geek world in which I live.


Malik  (4/21/04)

Well, I'm still getting things updated as quickly as I can between 8 hours of hell...I mean work...a day (ok, it's not total hell...I mean what other job could I say that I grow monkey parts in that's an ice-breaker), an hour of commute through the thick haze of downtown Seattle's special brand of rush-hour pollution, an hour of guitar playing, and a few hours of game playing a day.  Anyways, I'm just bitching since today is one of those wonderful days that makes one want to bitch.

I decided that I will soon try to bring about one of my past columns from my old site but with a Geek Asylum twist; so, once a week (probably starting next week), you can expect to see Malik's Bitchings.  It is more or less a recap of some news in the world of geeks, but with a nice healthy dose of reality (so instead of hearing the cool thoughts on things like the Nintendo Dual Screen "portable" system, you would instead hear the facts and some nice thoughts of how Nintendo+Inovation=Virtual Boy...or how I think the brain-dead chimps working at Nokia's R&D division needs to be put to sleep so no future incarnations of the N-Gage will ever see the thick layers of dust that await them in the Nokia warehouse).  Anyways, I personally would love to start writing this column about now, but I have to get through the boring crap before I can start having fun.

On that note, some people might ask why I keep putting up some of my old reviews; Simply put, I am doing this for three reasons.  So this site is able to start full of wonderful info for my fellow geeks (and not look as empty as Gamestop on the N-Gage release...I was at a Gamestop on that day, and I don't think I've ever seen the store so empty...I think people avoided buying real products that day to just keep the N-Gage taint-of-evil away).  Plus, there are a lot of fun old games out there that people have overlooked.  I can safely say that not enough people have played Arc the Lad:Twilight of the Spirits or Shadow Hearts, despite how they are two of the best RPGs on the PS2 (let alone some of the best RPGs I've ever played...and I've been in this racket long enough to know what's good and what's simply crap compared to the classics).  Last of all, I felt someone had to spread the word of how crappy Final Fantasy Tactics Advance many good reviews of a game with absolutely no story, and seriously, why the hell should anyone play a RPG/Tactical RPG with no story...the battles are repetitive, the strategy consists of running around on the map until the law of the day of battle is not going to screw you over and then just slowly easing into battle to manipulate your opponents into an easy ambush site...if you think this game is either difficult or it's fun with a lack of story, then I'm sorry to tell you that you need help...not help with the game...just help...

Well, back to the updating.


Malik  (4/21/04)

Ok, those without a sense of humor...check out the Disclaimer at the top of the page.  Those who are veterans of the geekish fan-site, I have to admit I did disclaimer for a few reasons; most of all is to get some people who have less experience in knowing about sayings like "teh gay" and "I PWN JOO!" (I hate these slang sayings, but I can't help but use them in a mocking way since they sounds so stupid) from thinking I'm some bigot.  Hopefully now people see I'm just politically incorrect and damned proud of it.  So, those who need some enlightenment on the fact that I'm not the spawn of satan, or torturing small furry pets in my bathroom to gain sexual excitement, check the disclaimer.  Anyways, I like to speak my mind, and I am full of insanity.  Blah!

Many reviews are up, a couple editorials, and even a few pictures of some of the games (check out the review for Ultimate Parodious for some funny screen shots...I love that is a real a series...I love Japanese much wackiness in such a small package).  Well, games to play...


Malik  (4/22/04)

I feel like I'm done with the initial start up stuff, so all new stuff will show up soon.  I've been playing a good deal of SSX3 for the PS2 (which recently was graced with a price drop...hence I'm a little late to joining the SSX3 party) and Beyond Good and Evil for the XBox (which was neglected by far too many people when it first came out...I know I was one of them).  So, reviews of these games should show up in the next few days.

On the news front, it looks like Microsoft (with some sort of conjunction with Pepsi) is putting out a new TV show of some sort called MDN.  So far, I've yet to find what channel it would be on, or too many details.  There is currently a casting call for people 21 and over (with no affiliation with MS or Pepsi) who are "skilled gamers" in the ways of XBox.  The details seem to say that there will be some co-op/team and some free-for-all games involved.  My only thought so far is that this sounds an awful lot like Arena on G4, but with a complete XBox/XBox Live twist to it.  This concerns me since I find Arena incredibly lame and pointless (with the exception of the episode that featured someone I knew from college...then it was fun to laugh at the screen and see who this friend was a total camper...nothing sadder than camping on something that in theory could reach thousands of theory people watch theory...).  Anyways, things could turn out to be entertaining with MDN...but I'm not holding my breath.  I'll post more as the info surfaces.


Malik  (4/23/04)

Well, I've been working on a new column, that should be up before the end of the day in the Ran-Damn! section, so if you're reading this and nothing new is up, check again in a little bit.  I've also been rounding up enough game play of Beyond Good and Evil to write a fairly complete and accurate review...I personally think too many people (including many of the biased asses with some commercial review sites...) have to pull the wuss act by writing a review before they've played enough of a game.  Personally, I try to aim for at least ten hours of game play, unless the game is shorter than that, or it's so thoroughly awful that 10 hours can not be managed (like Ephemeral Fantasia...that was a true crap-fest...Innovation should not mean so much to the development process that the game uses "innovation" as it's sole purpose in existing...for those who worship Square derived RPGs, I'll put it this way; when you pull your head out of your ass long enough to actually see more of the game than the Final Fantasy title and some nice eye-candy, you should see something fun and intriguing that pulls you into the game...).  So, while I've been playing Beyond Good and Evil (XBox version) for a good long time already, I would rather cover my ass and know that it's a good game instead of guessing that it's a good game; by the way, when the review is up, you'll see that it is a good game...but that's not here nor now.

On the same note, something else you will never see in any of my reviews that some sites (in particular Gamespot) like to do with far too much frequency is an equal rating for every version of a game.  For example, GCN, XBox, and PS2 all have unique controllers that are ideal for different styles of game play.  This alone will take away or add to a game's rating.  I mean if you can only pull off a fraction of the moves found on the XBox or PS2 SSX3 on the GCN version, how can you give it an equal rating?  I mean, it's pretty safe to say that SSX series games have a control schematic best suited for PS2 with it's four grab buttons and PS2's four shoulder buttons (when the hell did the shoulder buttons get renamed to "triggers"?...sorry, bad work day leads to a bitchy Malik...), as opposed to the three half-assed shoulder buttons on the GCN or the two shoulder buttons and top two face buttons on the XBox.  Anyways, I thought I should make that clear...if I call a game good for the PS2, don't assume it's good on the XBox, etc.

Anyways, time to get back to writing the article.

As Homer would say; Another day, another box of stolen pens...


Malik  (4/23/04)

Well, I find myself with a little time after watching some Najica.  A lot of people outside the geek lifestyle like to consider all geeks as one big group.  I must say that more and more I'm reminded of how even one type of geek can find themselves overwhelmed with pity for another group.  

For those who haven't seen Najica, it's an anime about a perfume maker who moonlights as a super-spy, and by using her keen sense of smell, she is able to be a better spy or some crap like that.  Ok, that's a pretty lame premise in and of itself, but in reality, the premise and purpose of the anime is a little more...what's that's similar to deep...ummm...oh yeah, shallow and empty.  The true reason for Najica is to see a bunch of women with slightly more realistic (than the average anime) body shapes, but they all wear really short skirts and white panties.  That is actually the premise.  For those who remember the music video classic of Baby Got Back, it's the same sort of thing, but in anime, and with really small asses.

I just wonder about the type of people who made this show.  How did they pitch the idea to get funding...or were the animators just a bunch of really perverse guys who did this work for free (animator, "hehehehe, I like panties!").  Anyway, for those of you who may think there is any connection between anime geeks, video game geeks, and any other geeks (such as the dreaded sci-fi geek, or the most frightening of all, the pencil and paper RPG geek), I have this to say; I pride myself on being a geek...a game geek...and I would touch the same shit as those anime freaks with a 10' pole.

I still have nightmares about when Velveta dragged me to the dreaded Sakuracon (which is happening again this weekend near the Seatac Airport) last year.  My nose still burns from the stench and I still wake up in the middle of the night drenched with sweat with that all so eerie cold chill running down my spine.  For anyone who has only had experience with large groups of their own type of geek, I advise severe caution before entering the realm of another geek type.  The consequences can be confusing, exasperating, and just sick.  Prior to my first Sakuracon last year, I thought I had the makings of an anime-geek.  I had no idea until I realized I was the only person wearing normal clothes and deodorant.  My best advise, take small steps...don't go for a total emersion into another geek culture unless you are ready for a fate worse than hell...since those of us in Seattle are about to have the culture surface once again, I felt I just needed to give a word of caution...Don't let what happened to me happen to you.

By the way, this is not me pulling out of video game geeking and starting up some new trend towards anime geeking...just me giving some advice...I like smelling better than the average downtown Seattle bum...